i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize