We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
