I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
