My nipple is on Facebook.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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