I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
