I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
