I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize