the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize