I feel great
I just peed on a car
we're making bets on your personal life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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