This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
