The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
