The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
