Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize