i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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