I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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