who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
