On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize