When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
