I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
