How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i think im in europe. pls send help
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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