My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's the barista slut.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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