I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
