Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
