his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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