I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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