I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
