Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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