I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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