your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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