the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to align my fucking chakras
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
