I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize