I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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