worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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