Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize