This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize