You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
