... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
