I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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