that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
