I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
