I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
