I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
