it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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