I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
