I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
