if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
