at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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