Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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