She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
