We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
