the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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