apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your penis caused this!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize