Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
