I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize