when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize