Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
