he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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