Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
