bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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