Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
