he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
