i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
