i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
