Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
