im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
