i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize