Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
