youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
