Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
