I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
