Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
